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What do you see?"I did look and I looked very carefully and fully. I looked and tried tofigure out what she wanted me to see. What I saw was a face made femininewith make-up and lipstick. I looked deeper than that beyond the make-up andsaw a feminine face! Yes, if what one would call a caring and gentle lookfeminine.I tried to picture the boys and men I have known. Their faces and how theireyes looked. Yes, they were different than mine! Their look was harder andless caring. They had a self-centered look, a different kind of awarenessthat was more of a challenge than a sharing or giving. Was I that different?I tried to picture the girls and women I have known. I remembered the ones Iliked had a genuine interest in others that showed in their faces and eyes.They were more open and sharing with each other. There was no challenge orhardness to their look.Was I that different? My look? It was like a very young boy called Ricky.That's it! That's what they were trying to tell me by calling. Then, after putting my plate on the floor, I put my arm through Tommy’s and rested my head on his shoulder.“Honestly? I don’t have a clue what to say. You know that I enjoyed this morning, physically. I did psychologically too. With all that enjoyment came a wave of guilt, hush, worry and confusion. I think the guilt of using you has passed.” Tommy put his hand on my thigh and gave it a squeeze.“The guilt of doing something immoral is something inbred, I suppose, but I looked at my former life and have to wonder, which is worse? I was forced into the previous situations and there was no love. This morning happened and could only have happened through love, is it wrong? We spend our whole life being told love is good, it’s all you need, love one another.“Answering that actually solved my confusion, which was brought about by the conflict of, I love you and it was, as far as I am concerned, a loving act; clashing with it being wrong. Well, I could only have done it with you, because.
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